The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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