do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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