Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Randomize
