Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
is this the sara with the beer cane?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
