I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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