last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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