Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
