Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
