If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Randomize
