Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
