you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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