Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
