She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
