He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
