rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
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