My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
