Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
