i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
