He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
