In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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