apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
A+ Viking dick
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
