it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
