you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
