she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize
