I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize