The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
