If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Randomize
