Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
