Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
