If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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