he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
It's never too late to be topless.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
