I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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