I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize