There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
