i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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