i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
