just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
