Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
