my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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