Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
