It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
