Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Did I show you my penis last night?
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize