His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
