is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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