mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
