I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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