who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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