Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
