I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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