Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Sorry about my life...
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
