can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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