Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
