when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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