You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
