Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Randomize
