I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
