I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
