I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
