just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
