they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
