420 ftw
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
