I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
