I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
