may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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