The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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