One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
