i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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