Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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