It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Of course I have a pirate flag
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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