do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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