If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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